Selfishness

Selfishness is basically saying, "mine mine mine" all the time. A lot of the times, people are selfish. It's human nature. Ok there are people who aren't selfish, who give and give and give and give with a smile without asking for anything in return. But you know what? I was once a person like that and I was slowly taken advantage of. "Could you do me a favour please?" or "I'm soo hungry...you have any money I could borrow?" Yup I heard stuff like that for a long time, and have been accused of being "too nice". I just got sick of it. What the hell am I doing? It's the same thing as selling yourself!!!! So I tried stopping. It didn't work. Reason? Simple, I grew up as a person who was submissive and docile. When a person says smile, I smile. When they say cry, I cry. AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A stupid cycle that I desparately want to break out of. Oh and I tried. You know what? I got called selfish because of that!! My friends say I'm too nice and should have some kind of attitude so I'm not taken advantage by other people. But the other side says I'm too selfish and should learn to give more. The other side says I should smile all the time even when I'm being forced into something I don't want to do! The other side says I should obey every order with a yes or a no!! The other side says that is the meaning of respect. Apparently the phrase, "You have to earn respect," doesn't exist anymore. Respect needs to be given freely now. 15 years I put up with this. I tried to control my temper, be docile and good. Well I'm sorry I can't do this anymore ok?? There is so much more of this I can take and now I've reached my limit. I'm changing and the world is too. People who can't accept it have to learn how to. That's all I can say...

Awkward Situations

Let's just say you're standing in front of a mall and you see an old friend who you haven't talked to a long time. She sees you, then comes over and a convo starts. Suddenly, her younger brother comes and interupts. You recognize him as your ex. Silence comes and your mind goes blank, thinking of what to say. You look at your friend who simply comments after a while, "This is awkward." (Wow. Did you really have to say the obvious? I mean that didn't help at all.) And the silence continues until you say, "um yeah I should probably go. Someone's waiting for me." Your friend who just sighs in relief, smiles, grabs her brother and runs. Probably saying how awkward it was talking with you. Truth is no one is waiting. You're at the mall with your older sister (more like being dragged to the mall) and was just wandering. Yup and oh, you're a boy, just for the record.



Yah that happened to a person I once knew. Very awkward situation...

Dreams that I Remember

Even though the title of this post may sound normal, hell even sweet, I will warn you now that this assumption is completely, totally, cross my heart and hope to die WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (before I continue I just have to comment that I never did get the point of that oath since so many people end up breaking it anyway and they lived...but to the people who went through with it, which means you either kept your promise or died, the world needs more people like you!!) Now everything's straight. Anyway, when I mean dreams, I'm not exactly talking about occupations like a lawyer or a doctor or a teacher or a janitor or taxi driver or something like that. Nope my dreams were always a little more...hmm I don't know how to say it...abnormal I guess. Hey what can I say? Insanity runs in the blood...not that I'm proud of it...but it does explain a lot of things. Well I can't remember my past dreams...I'm a really forgetful person so I'll just go with the latest one.


My mind stops, my body loses all movement, I sink into the ground. My voice screams and wails of help cry out but no sound is heard. Tears fill my eyes, clear salty tears streak down each cheek as I feel myself reach my breaking point. My pained heart has shattered, has become a whirl of confused emotions, like a mirror into sharp jagged pieces. The pain that was once there has now numbed into a cold hardened state. What happened to me? I've asked myself that question so many times. Now I realized...I lost control...



Yup as you will probably notice my dreams NEVER make any sense. Usually, I'm either lost in the middle of a confusing situation or I'm looking at the dream in two views. Ok let's just say you're reading a book and the main character is yourself. That's what I mean by two views, first person and the reader. What's really weird about my dreams though is sometimes they come true in real life (although this happens rarely and I mean once in two yrs sorta thing). Not the entire dream, just a few parts of it actually happen and then I get a strange sense of wow this happened before except it was in my dream sorta feeling. Not a really good way to start a day. (oh for those who may think I'm crazy right now, I'm not. Dreams coming true in real life does happen to everyone at some point in their lives. If it hasn't happened to you yet, maybe you just don't dream which I respect since dreams are confusing [hey i'm a living example of that cuz I'm always confused] or I don't know, I'm not an expert on this. I'm just a blogger writing a bunch of random crap. I can only say keep waiting man, it might happen some day!!