Lost...

I feel lost...and so out of touch with reality. There's something wrong...something big will happen...I know it will...I'm can see it coming. Yet, I'm calm and relaxed. Is this a delayed reaction? Will all the hurt and pain bury itself deep in my heart, and then suddenly explode? Will I be able to take it? I don't know. I just want to hide. I can't trust myself. I just might make things worse than it already is. One word, one little action, and all I've worked hard for could just come crashing down. Why? Before, you couldn't care less what happened to me...and now, just because you're leaving, you want to repent?? You want to make up for all the things you didn't do?? Maybe, I'm being a little judgemental, but I can't help it. This is confusing. I'm not used to this at all. Do you honestly think that a couple of good acts here and there make up for the past? The past, no matter what, will always affect the future. No matter how much you want to change, I still see what you were. Even now. Can't you understand that?? I'm trying, so hard to see a change...but I can't. The past is haunting, not only for me, but for you. Stop, stop trying to act nice at the very end. It's frustrating.